Pornhub’s Traffic In Hawaii Spikes To 48% Higher Than Normal After False Missile Alarm

The world was horrified when news emerged from Hawaii that residents had falsely been sent a missile alert on Saturday. For just over half an hour, the entire island was left convinced that they were about to meet an explosive nuclear end.

The incident happened during a shift change at Hawaii’s Emergency Management Agency when an employee accidentally hit the wrong button and sent a routine test message to the state’s residents instead of sending it to the agency itself. People were understandably terrified when they received the message. They immediately stopped what they were doing and scrambled to find shelter, with many calling their loved ones who were out of state to say their goodbyes. While government officials were quick to announce that it was a false alarm online, the news did not reach the majority of people until 38 minutes later, when a correction message was sent out, causing the island to breathe a sigh of relief. People were outraged that those on Hawaii had been scared like that and were quick to make their feelings about the situation known, with journalist Dan Rather writing, “I think Hawaii should buy everyone on the islands a drink of their choosing – on the state.” Other people, however, decided to celebrate the fact they weren’t going to die in a different way… by masturbating. It’s no secret that masturbation helps relieve stress. In fact, it’s been scientifically proven to lower blood pressure, and, let’s face it, everyone in Hawaii’s hearts must have been racing after a scare like that – so they immediately went onto PornHub after getting the all-clear. Unsurprisingly, during the alert, almost no one was on the popular x-rated site. During the alert period, traffic on the website dropped to 77% lower than normal. It was only the most committed masturbators who chose nuclear annihilation over blue balls. But once the all clear was given, a surprising number of people went onto the site. After the all-clear was given, Pornhub’s traffic slowly began to increase, but it quickly spiked to numbers which were 48% higher than normal for that time of day – less than 15 minutes after the island discovered that the alert was a false alarm. Well, people did need to get a chance to get back online after hiding from the nonexistent missile. In honor of the website’s 10 year anniversary, PornHub has released a lot of data about how people watch adult material. The data made the surprising revelation that despite the rise of the internet and its availability on almost every electronic device, people are, generally speaking, watching less pornography than they did a decade ago. However, perhaps most interestingly, the website is now revealing exactly what people search for and when. In the wake of porn star Stormy Daniels’ allegations that she had an affair with President Trump while he was married to Melania, people have become fascinated by the 38-year-old. The alleged affair took place just months after the birth of Melania gave birth to their son, Baron. News of the affair was broke in a Wall Street Journalarticle last week. In which, the porn star revealed that the now president paid her $130,000 to remain silent about the affair by signing a nondisclosure agreement before his election in 2016. “I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, ‘Please, don’t try to pay me,’” Daniels told In Touch magazine. According to Stormy, sex with Trump was “generic”. However, the general public certainly wanted to see what she is capable of and searches for her name increased by 375% on Pornhub as a result. In real terms, that’s the equivalent of two million people who wanted to know more about Trump’s sex life. While Trump has outright denied the affair, Stormy’s claims appear to have been substantiated by another porn star, Alana Evans, who claimed that she was invited to “party” with him and Stormy in a hotel room in 2006. While Trump’s lawyer did tell the Wall Street Journal that he “vehemently denies any such occurrence”, they did not confirm or deny that Stormy had been paid $130,000 to sign a nondisclosure agreement about their alleged affair. Regardless of whether Trump’s affair is true or not, it’s safe to say that Pornhub really does have some interesting data!

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